New Pet

We have a new pet. Gary and I have been watching it as it explores the house. We chuckle over how cute it is. And grumble over how loud it is. So far it still only has the name it came with, Roomba.

Eventually it will get a new name.

The last few days have been beautiful. Warm and sunny, like spring. Today it is spring and a little cooler. The weekend though will be cold windy and maybe even wet. Where is the justice?!

I'm really looking forward to spring break. Maybe we can get started on the yard. It's been little more than a vacant lot for he last two years. When I see pictures of its former lush beauty I feel awful.

Many home projects waiting for something else to happen first. A log jam, but that first log is so big it feels like a Herculean task to get started. Herculean and a money pit. One step at a time will not get it done. It feels like trying to build a sandcastle as the tide comes in. Baby steps get washed away before you can get to the next step.

Rambling to myself

I haven't blogged for awhile. So, this is just a ramble - fair warning.

I loved the movies Escape to Witch Mountain and Return to Witch Mountain when I was a kid. Now there's a remake. I think it's being remade to remind me how lame a movie can be and still be great to a kid.

We went to the opera Wednesday. Das Rheingold. It was Alex and Caitlin's first opera. I wish I had chosen a different one. It was good, but I think they would have enjoyed Mozart more. It was so great to go out with them though. We have to do it more. Maybe we need to just visit the family in Riverside for the day next time.

Mom had a UTI. It made her pretty sick and completely gone mentally. Fortunately we saw the symptoms early enough to get her on antibiotics without a hospital stay. She seems pretty well recovered, although she still hasn't gotten up this morning and it's already 8:00. Her sheets will be pretty wet!

OK, if I'm going to go all medical...I've been having lady issues. Or to be more exact - a lack of lady issues. After some tests the doctor determined there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just menopausal. Cool, I guess. It's one less monthly complication. I'm only 44 so it's a little young, but that's how averages work. Some are younger than 51 and some are older.

I went to the PINK support rally at one of our major intersections. http://www.the-signal.com/news/article/10553/ For those of you not into California education yesterday was Pink Friday. The day pink slips had to be given to teachers for next year. About 40 were given out in my district. There were teachers from our district and the high school district at our selected intersection. There were groups at major intersections throughout our city. It was a little windy and hard to hold up signs that were like sails, but I spent two hours with my coworkers doing it. Several of my friends there received their pink slips a few weeks ago. My district is really trying to help them by giving them as much information as they can as early as they can. It's so sad. Many people who are losing their jobs have young families and have just bought houses. One single librarian got her pink slip. She has cancer and needs the insurance coverage. Brutal.

I'm reading Uncle Tom's Cabin. The style is so different from the last book I read, Old Man and the Sea. I feel like slapping Harriet Beecher Stowe sometimes. I like a crisp style and this is more like deep dish stuffed crust.

I signed up for Twitter. HATE IT... ok that makes it sound like I care. It just doesn't make sense to me. Why would anyone want to use it? Are you so self-important as to think I want blow - by - blow a report on what you're doing? If you are that important, let me read your blog not your short reports with links to blogs etc.

That's it my blog of the month is done.

Charlotte and Ramona are coming to visit for a few days. I'm excited and am planning some fun adventures. Autumn and Rene are going to Spain for a symposium so we get to babysit.

My biggest plan is taking them to a ranch for what they call a play day. Basically it's time grooming horses, feeding goats, and just hanging out on the ranch. Along with that they will take a 30 minute horseback ride. We'll probably do that tomorrow, hopefully the weather will hold.

Other ideas are bowling, indoor playground, IHOP for breakfast, making and decorating Valentine cookies, or maybe just Valentines with glue and glitter etc.

I'm taking off 2 days from work and then we have a 4 day weekend which means I'll be off 6 days! Gary picks the girls up today and they;ll be there when I get home from work. I can't wait!

Maybe after 5 or 6 days I'll be better at telling them apart.

shopping frustrations - writing without a plan

Today I went shopping for three things. Notice I used a number in my topic sentence. I may write 3 supporting paragraphs - be prepared. I needed, well okay wanted, a steamer, a wreath box, and a book. I thought I could get two of the three at WalMart and the third at Barnes and Noble. Since mom has been stir crazy, I decided to take her and the wheelchair. Gary agreed to go too. That makes taking mom easier, plus I like his company (a lot).

I now realize three items doesn't mean three supporting paragraphs. I need to rethink organization. One paragraph per stop? Along with organization, what is my focus?

We went to WalMart first. We have a pretty new "Super" WalMart (Sookie Stackhouse loves WalMart) and Sam's club (Sam is Sookie's boss) and I had a secret fantasy that all three items would be purchased in just one stop. There were several aisles devoted to Christmas decoration storage, but no wreath boxes. They had many stock pots, but none with a steamer insert to make it appropriate for tamale cooking. OK, hope against hope we went to the book aisle. The sign hanging above the aisle said BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS. Well, that was redundant, but promising. Unfortunately, it was over promising and under delivering. We walked out empty handed and got mom back in the car.

On our way to Smart and Final, which should have a steamer, we made an unplanned stop at Green Thumb. They usually have a good Christmas selection and we thought they might just have a wreath box. Gary went in while I sat in the car with mom. As the minutes ticked by, I figured he must have found one and was waiting to pay for it. No, he came out unencumbered (cool word-lots of affixes).

At this point you are probably wondering if I have a focus. Me too.

Smart and Final was a complete disappointment. They used to have all kinds of restaurant supplies and utilitarian kitchen equipment. Now they mostly have food in semi bulk packaging in an attempt to compete with warehouse stores. Their pots and pans took up less than a quarter of an aisle. Oh, and it was kind of dirty and sad in there. Mom was getting a little tired getting in and out of the car. Well at least I can read my new book when we get home. Next stop Barnes and Noble.

I have to stray from shopping and explain the book. This last TV season I watched the first episode of True Blood. I wasn't sure if I liked it, but I watched the next one. It seemed all over the place with too many characters thrown in hoping something would click. By the end of the season, I was hooked. For Christmas I asked for the first in the Sookie Stackhouse (main character) book series. Caitlin kindly obliged. The writing was not top notch (Like I, the kettle, should complain about the pot). The first book was pretty much the first season and took me a day and a half to read even with the grandkids here. Well, mom had given us each a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble (that's a whole other story-Focus!) so I went and bought the next three in the series. They were like cotton candy. Fluffy and desirable, but not filling. After I finished them and Caitlin made another B and N run, I quickly made my way through seven in about as many days. That brings me back to today's shopping trip. There is only one more available. I read the first chapter tease at the end of the last book and I'm primed. My silly goal is to read all eight before I have to go back to work.

This time Gary waited in the car with mom and I ran into the book store. I strode to the appropriate shelf, which I was familiar with by now, and looked...and looked. I moved the books to be sure it wasn't tucked behind...I couldn't believe it, so I looked again. I checked the end cap. I went back and looked again. I even asked for help. The nice girl knew exactly where it was. She led me to the same shelf and looked...and looked. She moved the books to check behind. Next she checked the computer. The book I want is in the limbo between hard cover and paperback. She could order it in hardcover for $24. Tempted though I was, I couldn't pay that much for such a trivial quick read. If the library doesn't have it, I'll wait until March when it comes out in paperback. Empty handed again, I returned to the car.

Three items on the list and four stores later nothing was checked off.

On a whim we stopped at K-Mart. I got my tamale pot! It was just sitting there patiently waiting for me to come and get it. I should have looked for the wreath box, but I was through.

Now I should write some falling action to wrap up my meandering personal narrative.

Once we got home and I checked the recipe, I realized there wasn't time to make tamales tonight. It takes two hours to soak the corn husks and another two hours in the steamer. I put the wreath in a trash bag and put it in the attic with the rest of the decorations. Gary went out again. This time for steak since he was on the hook for cooking dinner. Tamales will be dinner tomorrow.

Who is me?

This morning I watched the last half of "Little Women". I mention this because Jo becomes the writer she becomes because of who she is and the experiences she had had which she then writes about. My grandmother's name was Jo. I've always felt some connection to Jo March because of Josie Mellquist, nee Johnson.

I once saw a science fiction show (Star Trek?) where an alien asks a human, "Who are you?" The first response the character gave was her name. Was it a female character or am I projecting myself into the memory? Anyway, the response of a name was met with some punishment - a shock or something. That is just your name. Who are you? A job title was the next punished response. That is just what you do. Who are you? A familial position was also rejected. I don't remember how the scene was resolved, but it has always stuck with me. How would I answer such a question? Who am I?

Well one thing is certain. Whoever I am, I am in part because I am Josie's granddaughter and I saw "Little Women" and whatever that sci fi show was. But I am not simply the result of my experiences am I? Admittedly my experiences in the sequence and intensities I experienced are a unique recipe. As are yours.

I watched an episode of "The Practice" in which many of the characters said we are what we do. Not our jobs, but our actions. I'm not looking to TV for the meaning of life. It just was interesting that it was one of my experiences today.

Today I also read Alex's philosophy paper on identity. He examined three or four theories of identity. Physical - very unsatisfying. Memory - interesting, but I'm not sure I lose bits of myself as easily as I lose my keys or your name. Mom doesn't remember a lot of things, but she is still her. Soul - hmm, I think that is a bit too undefinable. And yet...maybe that's just like calling something magic because it isn't understood.

Who am I? Am I the same person I was before? Am I the same person I will be? Is the towering oak the same as the acorn, the same as the seedling? The sapling? Or is it the sunshine and rain and lightning strikes and burrowing insect that makes it what it is? But I am not a what, I am a who.

Maybe we are the sum of our experiences. As I get older each experience is a smaller percentage of the previous sum and so the me that I am is less diluted or altered by any one experience. Now most experiences just subtly flavor the soup that is me.

One thing I know. I am me and the me that I am would like to take a philosophy class. I'm not looking for answers. Because whatever the answer, I yam what I yam. I just like pondering the questions.

When you have a new baby they are so precious. Dependent on you for everything. Bit by bit they become more able to do things on their own. Roll over, sit up, stand, walk. Sometimes progress means more work for a while. Baby proofing. They want to pick their clothes, dress themselves, go to the toilet on their own. Each bit of independence starts with a need for lots of support. slowly they attain autonomy. They babble and coo. You babble back. Eventually there are words, then phrases, then real two way communication.

Mom is making the slow reverse of that process. Rather than reveling with each achievement, I dread each step towards complete debilitation. I'm afraid of the day that I can't take care of her anymore. I worry I won't notice that day until it passes and I'm not taking care of her the way I should.

Two way communication has devolved into her phrases that make occasional sense and my replies that are attempts to seem engaged.

"Sort of off course, schedule..."
"Well it's Saturday"
"Is that his two tickets"
"Whose tickets?"
"Yes...There's a hole up there ahead first row"

Sometimes she forgets how to sit down in a chair or on the toilet. She stands there facing the seat, trying to puzzle out how to do it. Sometimes she'll start to sit down and then stand up again over and over.

I worry when she goes to the bathroom alone. Yet it isn't bad enough that I go with her every time. Today when she came back she was trying to ask/tell me something. At first I thought she couldn't pull up her pants. That's a common thing. She'll come out with her pants below her bottom. In a toddler it might be cute. Especially because it wouldn't happen very often before the pulling up pants skill would be mastered.

That wasn't it. Finally I figured out there was something she wanted me to do back in her room. As I walked back I could here the water running. I guess she forgot how to turn it off. What a mess. The sink drain was closed and the water was pouring over the counter and covering the floor, flooding out into her bedroom. Other than a package of Poise pads, nothing was permanently damage. How long will it be before it happens again?