personal vs private

It is always so tempting to whine when blogging. To pour out all the angst, the "poor me"s, and "why me"s. To vent and to wallow.

I do that a lot. Usually I erase it all rather than publish. Those whiny laments aren't for mass or even minor consumption. I certainly don't need coworkers or parents of students attending my pity parties.

I try to keep private thoughts offline and personal thoughts out of the public arena. But then why blog at all? Why keep a journal? I write therefor I am? If a blogger blogs and no one reads it does it really confirm the blogger's existence?

I guess I just need to vent and wallow from time to time. I am therefor I am. Whether anyone reads it or not. So to those of you that didn't get invited to the party, don't feel slighted. You're welcome to attend. Just don't expect it to be...anything.

Oh, and if a blogger doesn't blog it still exists. It's just too soon, or too late, or too big, or too small, or too painful, or too private, or too personal.

Going down with the ship

I feel like the captain going down with the ship. I can't stop it. Good thing I can swim.

Yesterday Mom told me she was scared. I didn't know how to respond except to say I was scared too. I called her minister. I should have been in touch with him more. I took her to church until it was too confusing and hard for her. Then I dropped the ball. I'm an atheist, but she isn't. Maybe his visit will be comforting.

I'm taking the day off today because going to work after her "scared" comment was torture yesterday. She is unintelligible most of the time. Those words were so clear.