When I Think of Mom

That title reminds me of a song from "The King and I" that is totally unrelated.

I think of mom the most when I take a shower. This might seem strange, but I showered her for a long time. At first it was just as a supervisor, but the last year or so I did most or all of the work. Then I massaged on body lotion and dressed her. It was such a physical ritual that it is etched in my brain and comes to me every time I wash my own body.

I think about her skin. So damaged by the sun, her arms and hands were like tissue paper. Her torso though had smooth lovely skin. I felt like it was so unfair that the world only saw the spotted dry wrinkly parts. Her hands and feet were so gnarled with arthritis, but she had a lovely waist and hips.

So much of what I did with her the last few years was physical care taking. I'm so glad I was able to be there for her and to take care of her, but I wish other memories came as easily.

I guess my memories are like her body. It's easy to see the gnarled bruised damaged parts. The beautiful parts take work to remember.