Gap

I haven't figured it out yet, but there is something about the concept of a gap that I want to say.  It is fascinating to me, what might be in a gap.  It's like a magical (mythical?) place where anything can reside.  monsters, unicorns, IDEAS.

The gap between...

A gap is defined by what it is between, what it is not.  The width may be small, but the depth of the gap may contain infinite ideas.

hunter-gatherer

I was picking boysenberries again today.  I started thinking about how easy it was to eat them as fast as I picked them.  That got me to thinking of hunter-gatherer mommas picking berries for their families, and then I thought of the book Blueberries for Sal, which isn't prehistoric at all.  I imagined myself picking berries with my granddaughters on some prehistoric hillside.  I would pass along sage wisdom, which is why I would still be an asset even after menopause meant I wouldn't pass along any more genes, as we leisurely picked and ate the delicious ambrosia left after the birds had had their fill.

Then the irony hit me.  These boysenberries are the result of fairly recent crossbreeding done at U.C. Riverside.  They had no prehistoric life, and probably have no marketable future since they aren't a very good producer.

It won't write itself

I still am not quit of the humanities program.  I have one paper to write for a class I took an incomplete in. (That sentence sucks - try again) I took an "incomplete" in a class, and have one paper left to write.

After I wrote the first paper for the class, my instructor thanked me for writing a good paper.  She complained bitterly about some of the other students' writing abilities and styles.  All of my papers received positive feedback and often were top in the class.  So why...WHY...The final paper completely overwhelmed me.  I was intimidated by the length of the paper, the short time to write it, and the chance I might fail at writing it.

The funny, ironic, thing is that as the due date approached the instructor seemed to be losing her nerve as well.  She asked us to turn the papers in early if we could, in order to allow her more time to grade them.  She suggested we write shorter papers so she would have less to read.  By the end she was practically begging us to write papers less than half as long as the original assignment.

Obviously I should have just written something quickly and turned it in.  It's highly unlikely I would have received less than an "A".  Still I had already decided to take an "Incomplete" so I didn't consider her change in requirements as the opportunity it was.

Now, instead of being completely finished I'm trying to write this final paper.  And by "trying" I mean I'm blogging about it instead of actually writing it.  I've got a start.  Not a great start, but a start.  I've built it up to be so much more than it is.  I'm sure no matter what I write I'll at least get a "B".  Why not just slap it together, reread and edit, and send it off?  Why am I still overwhelmed by it?  I did a great job on all the successive papers in the classes that followed hers.

Grump.

bucket list

"Bucket list" a phrase that means the things one wants to do before they kick the bucket.  First of all how can "kick the bucket" be a euphemism for death?  It is such an ugly phrase.  Euphemisms should sound nicer than the thing they euphemize (not a word, I know).  I can't hear the word bucket without immediately connecting it to the memory of throwing up as a child.  Whenever I was really sick, mom would put a small bucket next to the bed. 

Kick the bucket - kick the can.  Kick the can was a great game.  Hide and seek crossed with capture the flag.  But then can is a slang for toilet.  Olly olly oxen free!

I am working on my "pony list".  This is what I've decided is my euphemism for bucket list.  I always wanted a pony.  Of course I always really wanted a 16 hand horse, but pony encompasses the little girl wistfulness better.