Going down with the ship

I feel like the captain going down with the ship. I can't stop it. Good thing I can swim.

Yesterday Mom told me she was scared. I didn't know how to respond except to say I was scared too. I called her minister. I should have been in touch with him more. I took her to church until it was too confusing and hard for her. Then I dropped the ball. I'm an atheist, but she isn't. Maybe his visit will be comforting.

I'm taking the day off today because going to work after her "scared" comment was torture yesterday. She is unintelligible most of the time. Those words were so clear.

commuting to work

Every morning as I walk to work I pass a white standard poodle of undetermined sex. It has a stereotypical cut and could easily fit in a Disney cartoon. Every day it barks at me and I'm surprised by its deep real dog voice. I always expect a cartoon yip.

A few houses past Monsieur Woof I start to hear the squawk of a large bird. I imagine it's a parrot doing alarm clock duty. I always think of Dee and Jim when I hear it.

I play a game of "read the headline" on my way to work. I read the newspapers lying on the driveways. The Signal has never been a journalistic masterpiece, but it is home. I can only read half of each headline because the papers are folded. The "rules" say I can't flip a paper over to see the rest of the headline so I try to imagine the other half. Yesterday I read Michael Jackson died from a drug overdose. Wow, that's news.

Just before the final turn I pass the house with flamingos. There is also a frog that quietly sits hoping for a kiss. This is just before the house with three Astro vans of varying vintage. Why?

On my way home from work I get a different perspective on the same route. There is a house that is always decorated to the extreme for the holidays. Now in August, month of nothing, the house is pretty plain. Today though the garage door was open and I could see Rudolph and his team flying in the corner champing at the bit for the day after Thanksgiving when they would once again headline.

As I walk passed Crazy Lady's house I cross my fingers that she is inside and not waiting to waylay any passing neighbor. I toy with feeling guilty for avoiding her and calling her Crazy Lady. Then I think of all the encounters I've had with her and cross my toes as well.

My own dogs bark as I approach my driveway. I stride to the door and sigh with relief that I'm finally done for another day.

Four Hours of Errands

Today I had to run errands with my mom. She is quite far along in the miserable journey of Alzheimer's. Although she can still walk a little, we used the wheel chair.

On the drive to the dentist's office she became fearful and asked that I stay with her in case they tried to...

I couldn't understand what she was afraid of. Probably she just knew she didn't know what was going on. She really can't put sentences together very often anymore. Understanding what she is trying to say is the gestalt of knowing her, her history, and her body language. Of course sometimes she is just talking and isn't trying to get across anything.

The dentist was uneventful. I stayed in the room with her. Dr. Poitras has been our dentist for 20 years. His staff is wonderful and they "get it" when it comes to elderly patients with dementia.

Our next stop was the Social Security Administration. Mom needs a new card. Believe it or not, my dog ate her old one. We've done fine without replacing it for years, but now the attorney helping us with estate planning wants a copy.

The handicap parking at the office was in the shade of a huge old Oak tree. Hurray! It was about 101 degrees at this point. I was surprised how many people were in the S.S. office. Fortunately we didn't have to wait too long. The young woman who helped us was very nice. The only hitch was mom had to sign the form. She can barely make a mark in the right place, but that's all they need. Apparently it doesn't matter that she has no idea what she's signing. I explained it, but she didn't really understand.

Time for lunch! I decided to stop at Pizza Hut. Mom likes pizza and it's finger food so she can handle it. When we got inside there was no one at the counter. A big set of keys was sitting on the register and I could hear someone puttering around in the kitchen. I waited patiently expecting someone to come out soon since a chime announced our entry. After several minutes I shouted, "Hello!" There was no response, so we left. I plan on writing to the manager.

We ended up in a coffee/sandwich shop in the same parking lot. I had a fantastic bowl of oatmeal with pecans and fruit. Mom had a ham and cheese sandwich. The waitress was great and I was glad to have discovered it. I plan on writing a very different letter to their manager.

Now for our final stop, the DMV. Mom's handicap placard needed to be renewed. Again, the people were wonderful. We were helped right away and the workers were understanding. Mom had to sign again, but this time I gave her a roller ball pen instead of a regular ball point. It made it easier. Her mark looks nothing like a signature and it looks different every time, but as long as they have something in the signature box they're happy.

Home again, home again, jiggity-jig.

Reading on vacation

I've been on vacation for the last week. We went to Newport Beach, which has been a tradition for almost 20 years. I did a lot of reading.

Twilight - better than the movie, good beach reading, but not great

New Moon - the sequel to Twilight, whiny, self-indulgent, wallowing, adequate beach reading, now I have to decide if I'll read the third one.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog - intelligent, wallowing - but it gets better - not your typical beach read (intelligent), I recommend it - maybe I just was hypersensitive to wallowing after New Moon

The Tao of Pooh - nice - I recommend it - I didn't get to read all of it, it was being passed around

Altered Carbon - SciFi, good beach reading, very Blade Runneresque - if you liked Blade Runner, I recommend it, I haven't finished it yet

To Do List ethics

I am facing the same old ethical question again.

Can I add something to the TO DO LIST after I've done it. Then I get to check it off immediately, which is very satisfying. On the other hand it means the original list doesn't actually get any shorter.

I think maybe I need a DONE LIST.

To Do List

Every time I have a break from work I think of all the things I need to accomplish and how quickly the break can slip away. So here is my preliminary summer To Do List. I think it might be easier to break it into three categories: work, home, and fun.

Work

• finish end of year paperwork DONE
  
• pack classroom for move Done
  
• unpack classroom after move almost done
  
• review 4th grade standards
  
• review 4th grade curriculum (seems like it should be the same as above - silly!)
• long range plan

Home

• clean out refrigerator Done
  
• clean/organize laundry room
  
• hang pictures in bedroom (that's leftover from last summer!)
• get mom's respite visit finalized So done it's over
  
• get turtles into new tank Done
  
• clean garage
  
• clean out mom's storage unit
• clean out/organize mom's file cabinet
• find her marriage license Done
• clean out/organize our file cabinet

Fun

• swim - on going
  
• gym - on going
  
• beach done - might do again while brother's visiting
  
• movies done - Harry Potter
  
• zoo Too F-ing hot - what was I thinking!
  
• hike see above
  
• run see above
  
• garden more like landscaping - little by little - see above
  
• sit and do nothing - ongoing
  
• finish Uncle Tom's Cabin - DONE!
• museum of nat. hist. Done
  

Curse of the Black Spot (or heart shaped post-it)

There are many changes in my school district due to the economy. Class sizes will be bigger next year so we are losing positions. Enough veteran teachers took the "golden handshake" that no one was laid off. Thank you for retiring all of you!

They didn't necessarily leave the school site or grade level that needed to lose classes though. Our site had to move two teachers to other sites. Now our site is shifting teachers to different grade levels. Third grade, my grade, is going to bigger classes, so we need fewer of them.

Yesterday during an assembly I was passed a small note, "Claire, can you come and see me for a minute, Roni." I immediately thought of Treasure Island and the curse of the black spot. Sure enough, I will not be a third grade teacher next year. I'm "graduating" to fourth.

I've thought about teaching the older kids. I'm really not into "cute" as much as my fellow primary teachers. On the other hand I'm not thrilled at the chance of having some of my more difficult students for a second year.

I'm not just changing grades, I'm also moving to a new classroom. A room in a real building. My entire teaching career has been in portables. My new room has a door to the computer lab and there is an adult restroom in the building too. These all are good things. On the other hand, instead of 20 or the new 24 students in third grade, I will have 30 or more.

Well, I'm not going to waste too much thought on this now. There are 4 school days left. I'll pack up my room and move next week.