writing prompt #2

A Boy and His Bass
6-30-08


Picture 14 in my photo album is titled a boy and his bass. Alex plays a huge upright bass his mouth agape. Is he singing, shouting, or calling out, “Watch me! Watch me!” like he did as a little boy? I am in awe when I see this young man that was once my little baby. I still recognize that tow headed toddler in him. When he was little I could protect him, control his environment. Now I wonder how much influence I can have on him. He has such highs and lows Can he see the highs ahead when in the throes of despair? My heart aches and I fear for this boy when he says his happiest times are when he’s sleeping. The long sleep would end any possibility for happiness. I want to fix everything for him and I can’t. And I shouldn’t. “Hang in there it gets better,” I tell him. He feels powerless, but doesn’t know how to take control and hold it. Self discipline would help, but that isn’t a switch that can just be turned on. It takes constant work until it’s a habit. He needs to take control rather than be a passive victim of circumstance. I want to help, but maybe I’ve helped too much in the past. Watch me, watch me! I watch all the time. Even when I can’t see him, I watch, holding my breath, waiting for him to land or emerge from this daredevil feat of growing up.

writing prompt #1

Who is this woman that sits beside my bed? She rests calmly without moving day and night. Is she a fertility goddess as I’ve joked before?

Her rough pink surface makes me think of sandstone walls. Her rough pink surface attracts and holds the dust that floats by. I’m attracted to her too. I caress her, imagine sitting in her cupped lap that makes me think of a cupped hand ready to receive and cherish. She is stone, but not cold. She invites touch with her firm curves.

Why do I keep her? I don’t really think of her as a goddess - fertility or otherwise. I don’t believe in such things. She’s dusty and takes up space. She has to be protected against breaking. She certainly doesn’t fit into our admittedly eclectic décor. I’m attracted to her. She invites touch. She receives and cherishes.

Household hazardous waste A.K.A. old paint

We have a lot

I’m taking it to the HHW drop off today

Will the garage ever be done?!

conversation?

Conversations with some people are more like being an audience than a co-star.

summer has arived

Today is the first day of summer break. Or maybe not. Since I would have today, Saturday, off anyway maybe it doesn't quite count like Monday will.

This morning I took the dogs to Central Bark, the new dog park. It was fun. They were both well behaved and now they've been lazing around all day.

I also watered in the front and ate boysenberries from the vine.

Then Caitlin and I went to Costco where I spent most of our stimulus check on groceries, our membership renewal, and Dun-Da-Da-Dum a new notebook computer! I am now lying in bed typing away! I've missed my old laptop, but it gave up the ghost quite a while ago.

No I'm ready for one of my summer projects - writing. I like writing and writing likes me. Now I'll have more time for it and once again my own computer to do it on.

sleepless

I was up for hours last night berating myself for being such a bad teacher. I should have done this and more of that. Why is it the negative thoughts come uninvited to bury me? I've done plenty of good and great things this year, but those I have to coax to the front of my mind and force to do battle with the unwelcome overwhelming bad. Therapists call it selftalk I think. Last night I was my worst critic.

so many plans

When the school year is over...

I'll go to the gym.

we'll try to shift our schedule by an hour. Get up at 6, lunch at 1, dinner at 7, mom's bed time can stay at 8.

I'll work in the yard.

I'll keep up with house work.

I'll start writing. Writing with a capital W. I found a website with over a hundred writing prompts. I figure I'll start with #1 and work my way through. Good practice. I love to write and I want to do it more.

I'll wash, walk, and take the dogs to the dog park.

I'll go to all the places I have memberships for. LACMA, LA Zoo, Nat hist museum, etc.

I'll start planning for the next school year.

retirement party

I went to Mrs. Witter's retirement party.Just saying Mrs. Witter rather than Julie probably makes it clear that she's a teacher. She taught for 32 years! She was Caitlin's 2nd grade teacher and the year after that she was mine. My first year as a teacher Julie and I shared a class. I learned so much from her. I learned about teaching, students, and parents. I learned about patience, priorities, and collaboration. She is an incredible woman, mentor, and teacher.

A few years ago I went to an end of the year party. They celebrated a retiring teacher I didn't know. After the speeches all I could think was, "God don't let that be me." Her career sounded bleak and wasted. I was so depressed afterward. Granted, I was kind of depressed before and feeling bleak and wasted myself. I was probably projecting.

Anyway, after Julie's party I feel reinvigorated. Not to mention...Sam is still alive! Sam is the mud puppy salamander Julie had in her room when Caitlin was in her class. It was at the end of life expectancy then. He has vacationed at our house a few times when Julie was out of town. I stopped asking about him, because I was afraid by now he must be dead. We figured once he must be about Caitlin's age, 16.