writing prompt #2

A Boy and His Bass
6-30-08


Picture 14 in my photo album is titled a boy and his bass. Alex plays a huge upright bass his mouth agape. Is he singing, shouting, or calling out, “Watch me! Watch me!” like he did as a little boy? I am in awe when I see this young man that was once my little baby. I still recognize that tow headed toddler in him. When he was little I could protect him, control his environment. Now I wonder how much influence I can have on him. He has such highs and lows Can he see the highs ahead when in the throes of despair? My heart aches and I fear for this boy when he says his happiest times are when he’s sleeping. The long sleep would end any possibility for happiness. I want to fix everything for him and I can’t. And I shouldn’t. “Hang in there it gets better,” I tell him. He feels powerless, but doesn’t know how to take control and hold it. Self discipline would help, but that isn’t a switch that can just be turned on. It takes constant work until it’s a habit. He needs to take control rather than be a passive victim of circumstance. I want to help, but maybe I’ve helped too much in the past. Watch me, watch me! I watch all the time. Even when I can’t see him, I watch, holding my breath, waiting for him to land or emerge from this daredevil feat of growing up.