writing

Hmm, that writing plan of mine hasn't been happening. I notice that a lot of what I want to write I worry will be read. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want to expose anyone's confidentialities. (Is that even a word?) I know what I mean - you, that reader I worry about, know what I mean.

busy busy

Every day is full of planned and unplanned events. Some good, some bad, some mundane. I crave time to do whatever I want including nothing. Even fun things seem like a chore to fit in.

I hate feeling guilty that I'm not working in my classroom. After all, I'm not paid/contracted to be there until the 12th. There is no way I could do what is needed in that short period of time. I'll have to get in there soon.

They’re all ugly!

Gary and I are going to Santa Barbara and Solvang with Gayle for the weekend. I wanted a new summer dress for our wine tasting tour. Nothing fancy. Just something new to make me feel pretty and stuff.

I went to the mall today and all the dresses were UGLY! I noticed this trend when I took Caitlin dress shopping a few weeks ago. I think she got the only pretty dress produced this season.

I bought a skirt that was 70% off. It's great for the $11 it cost, but not what I had in mind. The dresses were so ugly that I didn't even try any on. Ordinarily I'll give a dress a chance if it seems even close. Today nothing warranted the effort.

I'm sure what I wear won't effect the fun we'll have, but damn! I wanted a new dress.

writing prompt #2

A Boy and His Bass
6-30-08


Picture 14 in my photo album is titled a boy and his bass. Alex plays a huge upright bass his mouth agape. Is he singing, shouting, or calling out, “Watch me! Watch me!” like he did as a little boy? I am in awe when I see this young man that was once my little baby. I still recognize that tow headed toddler in him. When he was little I could protect him, control his environment. Now I wonder how much influence I can have on him. He has such highs and lows Can he see the highs ahead when in the throes of despair? My heart aches and I fear for this boy when he says his happiest times are when he’s sleeping. The long sleep would end any possibility for happiness. I want to fix everything for him and I can’t. And I shouldn’t. “Hang in there it gets better,” I tell him. He feels powerless, but doesn’t know how to take control and hold it. Self discipline would help, but that isn’t a switch that can just be turned on. It takes constant work until it’s a habit. He needs to take control rather than be a passive victim of circumstance. I want to help, but maybe I’ve helped too much in the past. Watch me, watch me! I watch all the time. Even when I can’t see him, I watch, holding my breath, waiting for him to land or emerge from this daredevil feat of growing up.

writing prompt #1

Who is this woman that sits beside my bed? She rests calmly without moving day and night. Is she a fertility goddess as I’ve joked before?

Her rough pink surface makes me think of sandstone walls. Her rough pink surface attracts and holds the dust that floats by. I’m attracted to her too. I caress her, imagine sitting in her cupped lap that makes me think of a cupped hand ready to receive and cherish. She is stone, but not cold. She invites touch with her firm curves.

Why do I keep her? I don’t really think of her as a goddess - fertility or otherwise. I don’t believe in such things. She’s dusty and takes up space. She has to be protected against breaking. She certainly doesn’t fit into our admittedly eclectic décor. I’m attracted to her. She invites touch. She receives and cherishes.

Household hazardous waste A.K.A. old paint

We have a lot

I’m taking it to the HHW drop off today

Will the garage ever be done?!

conversation?

Conversations with some people are more like being an audience than a co-star.