Gap

I haven't figured it out yet, but there is something about the concept of a gap that I want to say.  It is fascinating to me, what might be in a gap.  It's like a magical (mythical?) place where anything can reside.  monsters, unicorns, IDEAS.

The gap between...

A gap is defined by what it is between, what it is not.  The width may be small, but the depth of the gap may contain infinite ideas.

hunter-gatherer

I was picking boysenberries again today.  I started thinking about how easy it was to eat them as fast as I picked them.  That got me to thinking of hunter-gatherer mommas picking berries for their families, and then I thought of the book Blueberries for Sal, which isn't prehistoric at all.  I imagined myself picking berries with my granddaughters on some prehistoric hillside.  I would pass along sage wisdom, which is why I would still be an asset even after menopause meant I wouldn't pass along any more genes, as we leisurely picked and ate the delicious ambrosia left after the birds had had their fill.

Then the irony hit me.  These boysenberries are the result of fairly recent crossbreeding done at U.C. Riverside.  They had no prehistoric life, and probably have no marketable future since they aren't a very good producer.

It won't write itself

I still am not quit of the humanities program.  I have one paper to write for a class I took an incomplete in. (That sentence sucks - try again) I took an "incomplete" in a class, and have one paper left to write.

After I wrote the first paper for the class, my instructor thanked me for writing a good paper.  She complained bitterly about some of the other students' writing abilities and styles.  All of my papers received positive feedback and often were top in the class.  So why...WHY...The final paper completely overwhelmed me.  I was intimidated by the length of the paper, the short time to write it, and the chance I might fail at writing it.

The funny, ironic, thing is that as the due date approached the instructor seemed to be losing her nerve as well.  She asked us to turn the papers in early if we could, in order to allow her more time to grade them.  She suggested we write shorter papers so she would have less to read.  By the end she was practically begging us to write papers less than half as long as the original assignment.

Obviously I should have just written something quickly and turned it in.  It's highly unlikely I would have received less than an "A".  Still I had already decided to take an "Incomplete" so I didn't consider her change in requirements as the opportunity it was.

Now, instead of being completely finished I'm trying to write this final paper.  And by "trying" I mean I'm blogging about it instead of actually writing it.  I've got a start.  Not a great start, but a start.  I've built it up to be so much more than it is.  I'm sure no matter what I write I'll at least get a "B".  Why not just slap it together, reread and edit, and send it off?  Why am I still overwhelmed by it?  I did a great job on all the successive papers in the classes that followed hers.

Grump.

bucket list

"Bucket list" a phrase that means the things one wants to do before they kick the bucket.  First of all how can "kick the bucket" be a euphemism for death?  It is such an ugly phrase.  Euphemisms should sound nicer than the thing they euphemize (not a word, I know).  I can't hear the word bucket without immediately connecting it to the memory of throwing up as a child.  Whenever I was really sick, mom would put a small bucket next to the bed. 

Kick the bucket - kick the can.  Kick the can was a great game.  Hide and seek crossed with capture the flag.  But then can is a slang for toilet.  Olly olly oxen free!

I am working on my "pony list".  This is what I've decided is my euphemism for bucket list.  I always wanted a pony.  Of course I always really wanted a 16 hand horse, but pony encompasses the little girl wistfulness better.

reevaluation

There are about two weeks left of my current class.  "The Sacred" is only the second class in my graduate program.  I'm really struggling to research and write my final 10 - 15 page paper for the class.  I wonder if I can take an Incomplete and finish during the Christmas break.

I'm wondering if I've made the wrong choice or if I'm just stressed over the paper.  This graduate degree, which will take over two years, will not even pay for itself in the long run.  I want to have a graduate degree, but why?  Just so I can say I do?  Is it worth it?

I love being on the college campus, and I enjoy the class lectures and discussions.  I enjoy the reading, but I don't enjoy how much time it takes away from the many other things I enjoy.  I love to write, but not to the exclusion of other more physically active things.  I really love the positive feedback I get and even the critiques on my writing.  But I feel guilty when I take the time to water the plants or walk the dogs because my paper isn't even close to being done.  It's hardly even started, and here I am blogging instead of researching.

first paragraphs

The BBP (big bad paper) begins, 300 words down, one thousand more to go:

     Our course, Overview of the Humanities, is “an introduction to the cluster of academic disciplines usually known as the humanities, to what they do and how they do it.”  The course encourages reflection on what it is to be human, how we relate to the world, and what it is to live the good life.  By studying historical and contemporary ideas of truth and knowledge we are better equipped to explore and develop our own views.  During the first seven meetings of our course we have explored what the humanities are, what evidence there is of humankinds’ first world view, and what some of the first explanations of the world were.  We read about and discussed several philosophers and their views of knowledge and truth. Then we began exploring changes in knowledge through the disciplines of medicine and astronomy. 
    Constantly questioning and critically examining our beliefs and what we think we know, frees us from our assumptions about our world and our place in it.  As man’s knowledge of the workings of the world increases, his idea of truth changes.  He  views himself as more in control of his surroundings and more able to affect change.  This perceived power to know and control one’s place in the world is necessary for the good life.  The good life comes from understanding ourselves and choosing how we interact with our world.  For me, the strength that comes from knowing and valuing who I am as an individual and as a link between the past and the future is the good life.

The "Good life"

There are many references to the "Good life" in my degree description and syllabus.  I'm having a hard time deciding what the good life is.  We wrote about happiness.  Does being happy mean you're living the good life?  Somehow I have to include the good life in my next paper:

"The topic: How what we have done so far in the course can (1) help introduce someone into the Humanities (i.e. in which sense and to which extent), and (2) which consequences for a self-examination of ourselves (in particular for an examination of your worldview and your pursuit of the good life) this partial introduction may have."

English is not the professor's first language.  "self-examination of ourselves"

Humanities, hmmm.  We've talked about the liberal arts and how that was the course for those pursuing non-technical professions.  We've talked about philosophy freeing you from the slavish following of tradition "habits and tyranny of custom" was the phrase. (who do I site if I use that phrase?  damn!  Russel?)  Humanities, liberal arts, and philosophy aren't synonyms so I have to be careful with what I credit to the course overall.  Is this freedom what I should somehow connect to my happiness and my pursuit of the good life?  That seems obvious, but is it true?