G's first bath

Well, it wasn't actually G's first bath, but it was his first in several years.  It was my actual first horse bath.  All in all, it wasn't too big of a deal.  Like everything I do that's horse related, I thoroughly researched it on google first.

I read a ton of sites.  Most of them agreed on the big picture.  Get everything ready first, hose from the bottom, shampoo with a sponge and bucket, rinse thoroughly, scrape with a sweat scraper, and BAM you have a clean horse.  That pretty much was it.

The thing is, BAM you have a clean horse is not the same as BAM, you have a dry horse.  I walked him, brushed him, walked him, brushed him, for about an hour.

I even cleaned his sheath.  It was not such a big deal, and really not gross or anything.

Of course once he was clean and dry I knew he would roll.  I decided to turn him out in the arena where at least he would roll in dry sand.  He did.  I brushed the sand off and put him back in his stall in the end.  I wonder what he'll look like on Sunday.

My First Butterfly Gymkhana

Today is going to be my first attempt at gymkhana and I have some serious butterflies.

I don't know what to expect as far as tacking up and warming up when there's an event.  How will Geronimo react to having so many horses and people crowded around.  He takes a long time to warm up, and how will I keep him warmed up?  Will I suddenly forget how to saddle him when there are so many experienced people around?

I know it's going to be fine.  I'll figure it out and people will help me if I need it.  Still, it's a butterfly circus in my belly.

Red Queen and modern society

I think a lot about the Red Queen, my lifestyle, and society as a whole.  Why do we keep chasing rather than enjoying?  We don't need most of what we have, and we spend so much of our time and energy supporting all that stuff.

The problem is, how do you get off the ride without slamming into a wall or creating casualties.  Some of the stuff I work to support is stuff my family either needs or thinks it needs.  And getting off the ride sounds good on my laptop, in my comfy chair, in my four bedroom, five bath house.  How do you get off, once you've gotten on?

Why do humans strive for more? 

Barrels

New saddle pad in hand, I went to the ranch ready for a miracle.  I knew a new pad would only do so much, but still I was excited.  At first I couldn't get the fit quite right.  The new pad is stiff so it didn't sit right.  At first I had it too far back, but with Michelle's help I got it right.  It really made a difference in the saddle's fit.  Instead of riding on his withers, the saddle was lifted to the correct position.

Whether it was the pad or just his physical and mental improvement, we had the best ride ever.  We rode the barrel pattern over and over.  At first we just did it at a slow trot, but by the end we were loping between the second and third barrels and loping "home".  G seems to enjoy it as much as I do.

It's $5 per event and $30 for the day (which I think is 6 events so no saving) for the gymkhana.  I'll do the barrels for sure and maybe a couple other events.  Next Thursday I'll go, even though it's not my day, and run through the events with the other riders as a practice.  That's when I'll decide which other events to do.  I think three or four events would be plenty.

I had so much fun today!  I would have ridden longer, but it was getting very dark.  The lights in the arena are great, but the tacking area was really dark.  I couldn't clean his feet or do much grooming before I put him up for the night.  He didn't mind; his hay was waiting for him.

Don't throw stones

If I complain about your complaining, am I just as bad?

If I'm against your negativity, what then?

Lunch with coworkers always devolves into ranting against students, their parents, and the administration.  I want to be social, and part of the team, but can't we be positive?  Especially in public?!  We are not victims.

I just need to keep changing the subject I guess.

gymkhana redeux

The rained out gymkhana was rescheduled for yesterday.  The weather was perfect, a little cool with no wind.  It was fun to see so many different kinds of horses and riders.  There were huge draft horses and a Fjord pony along with the usual quarter horses and warm bloods.  Very few of the riders had competitive speeds.  In fact, in the peewee division some horses were led by parents.

The next one is in two weeks.  Apparently the ranch runs them once a month.  Since it happens so often and many riders just trot through, there is no pressure to be great.  I think I'll try G in the barrels at the next one.

After the event was over and everyone went home, I took G to the arena and rode for a long time.  The barrels were still set up, so we rode the pattern.  Most of the time we walked and trotted it.  A few times we loped back after the last barrel.  He seems to have had experience with it, because he knew to go around the barrels with tight turns.  I wish he would keep his head up when he lopes, it feels like he's going to somersault!  Maybe the new saddle pad will help by getting the saddle off of his withers. His new saddle pad is in Chino now.  It should arrive before I ride again on Wednesday.  I'm very excited.

He has more energy than before.  He looks more alert, too.  It will be a month or more before any weight gain will show.

Windy Wednesday

The weather reports have been threatening historical winds to start yesterday evening and blow for many days.  I left school as soon as I could to ride before the wind hit.  It was gusty, but not more than the usual Santa Anas we get in the fall.  I rode a little before the gusts started making me too nervous.  I don't want a branch falling or rubbish blowing to spook G.  It was just breezy during the night.  I hope it is calm on Friday so I can ride more.

Good news, his teeth were floated in the last few days.  Horses' molars wear unevenly so they should be filed every year or so.  If their teeth are too uneven, they can't grind up their food enough.  Then when the fibrous hay hits their stomach, the nutrients aren't processed.  This may be one reason G is so thin even though he gets fed a normal amount.  He was wormed a few weeks ago, too.  Hopefully he'll start putting on some weight.

Other good news, I ordered a new saddle pad for him.  He has high withers and a bit of a sway to his back, so this pad will help get the saddle off his withers.  It was cheap to order and shipping was cheap, too.  Of course that means a long wait for it to arrive.

Today I need to pay for my December lease.  I'm beginning to think I should start a list of the costs of leasing in order to have an idea of what owning will cost.

So far:
lease $150 for Nov.
halter $25
saddle pad $26
reins $20ish
horse cookies $21
grooming tools $0 (gift)
floating teeth $0 (done by ranch)
worming $0 (done by ranch)

jumping in

My teeth hurt.  For many years I wished my teeth were less, shall we say bucky (that was Dr.P's phrase).  Then in my late teens to my early 30s I figured I would live with it.  I was attractive enough, it was silly vanity to want to do anything about my teeth.  Besides, I would look a lot worse with braces, right?

So now in my mid 40s I've decided if I want something I should seriously consider it.  Just waiting, rather than deciding means missing opportunity.  Or it may mean wishing for something that if I thought about it I'd realize I don't want.

So I decided to do something about my teeth.  It wasn't a quick decision.  I actually had to wait for months before I could set up the medical savings account.  It's very expensive.  Now I wonder what was I thinking.  It hurts, it's annoying, and it will hurt and be annoying for most of a year.  38 weeks - ok, 36 since I've already done 2.  It's almost as long as a pregnancy!

Maybe (ok not maybe) the horse thing is the same.  I've been working towards having a horse.  I'm having second thoughts about leasing G.  The stable is close, but it's so lonely.  I want to ride with my friends.

Horses for Thanksgiving week

It's been a busy week, busy with good things mostly.  I rode G on Wednesday morning.  It was a furlough day.  Menchi got to visit the horses.  He was very excited.  When I rode in the arena his barked and whined, but it wouldn't have been safe to let him off leash.  He would have gotten kicked because he doesn't know how to behave around horses.  I rode G enough to work up a sweat.  It was an hour with lots of trotting and some loping.  The arena was still heavy from the rain, so it was a real workout.

Michelle said she was going to worm G that afternoon.  I don't know how soon any difference could be seen.  She also talked about his teeth and feet, but no firm date on those.  

We went to Riverside and had a great Thanksgiving.  More on that in another entry.

We came home on Friday and I rode G again until he was sweaty.  I also lunged him a little.  I noticed his saddle really is sitting on his withers.  He has very high withers and is thin, so it isn't surprising.  I'm looking at saddle pads that might help.  I'm unwilling to spend too much money since he isn't mine and I don't plan on keeping my lease forever.

Saturday I had my lesson on Danny.  After riding G, I have a lot more confidence and respect for Danny.  It was a good lesson.  Lots of loping with lead changes.  Afterwards we went on a trail ride.  It was great weather, but a bit windy.  That meant 2 hours on Danny :-)  Then he was going to do another lesson.  He was probably tired after that!  I went hiking with Gary and Menchi at Placerita after the trail ride.  I was sure tired.

Today I go back to ride G.  I'm going to pay more attention to his saddle placement.  Maybe part of his lowering his head while loping is the saddle hurting his back.

gymkhana with rain

There was gymkhana scheduled for today at G's ranch.  Gary and I went to check it out, and I was hoping to meet more people.  Unfortunately it was raining.

The event started with pole bending.  Several kids in the peewee division were led.  A few rode it solo.  Then the adults and the rain started.  Several horses misbehaved.  One in particular bucked and reared, refusing to do the course.  Out of the arena the horse continued to act up.  It seemed a bit dangerous to me.  One girl was injured either once she was on her horse, or I think when she was mounting.  He was rearing quite a bit.  She thinks her ankle is broken.  I guess I'll hear about it later.

The gymkhana was called off after all of the pole bending was over.  They'll reschedule for the week after Thanksgiving.

I felt badly that I didn't spend any time with G.  I gave him some treats and pet him, but I didn't take him out of his stall at all.  Maybe in a few months I could try him in a gymkhana event.  It isn't terribly competitive.  Some people rode it fast, but many just were going through the course at a trot.

Good lesson

I had a lesson on G today.  It was more about me finding out what I should expect of him that teaching me new skills.  I feel much more positive about the whole thing now.  I rode him at a lope quite a bit.  Kept him at a trot  longer too.  Michelle was very encouraging about his progress physically.  I also lunged him a bit.  He did pretty well for Michelle, so I know how to do it now, and know he can do it.

All in all it was a very good $35 spent.

I'm very hopeful that I'll meet someone to trail ride with at the gymkhana on Sunday.

Tomorrow I ride Danny at Don E Brooks.

Short ride

Wednesday before parent conferences means a lot of classroom time and not a lot of horse time.  I groomed him and saddled up for a short ride in the arena.  The sun was below the hills, but there was plenty of light.  We walked two, turned and walked two more.  Then we did some circles, halts, and backing.  We trotted one in each direction and a couple times he broke his gait, back to a walk.  He picked it up again when I pushed him though.

I have a lesson set up for Friday on him.  It isn't that I need the lesson as much as I want to know how much to push him.  I don't want to do too much too fast, but I think I'm doing too little.

Michelle is going to email my info to the boarders in hopes of finding a trail partner.  If things don't pick up, I think I'll only do one more month there.  It's a nice place, but too quiet and the trails are a mystery to me at this point.  If I owned and I knew the trails, it would be a nice place to board.  At this point I think I'd be happier doing two lessons a week at Don E Brooks instead.

A little boring

So, day whatever.  G is just a little boring.  Before I give up on him, I'm going to try a few things.  First, I put a note on the tack room wall asking for a trail buddy.  I'm not going to go off on the trails alone until I've done it with someone more experienced.  Next, I think I'm going to contact Michelle about a lesson.  She can help me know how much to push G.  Also she can teach me to lunge him.  I tried a little in the arena and I just annoyed G.  I need more direction.

I rode him in the arena and he just didn't seem as willing or as responsive as the last time.  Then I rode him around the ranch.  He started tripping and lowering his head, kind of limping.  I got off and after a few moments he seemed to be walking fine.  I just don't know.  When I cleaned his feet I picked a very small rock from his "toe", the front of his hoof near the white line.  Maybe his feet hurt, maybe not.  Maybe I'm just seeing trouble where there is none.

I need to figure it out.  "It" being what I want to do with the horsey situation.  I'm thinking about leasing Danny during the winter break.  The cost is much higher than leasing G.  Twice as much plus more vet bills.  It would be a full lease though, so I could ride Saturday and Sunday as well as any other day I wanted.  The problem is, how many days a week can I ride during school.  If I can't ride at least 4 times a week, would I be doing him a disservice?

I've thought about buying him and moving him to the closer stable, but then who would I ride with?  I really haven't met enough people there yet.

Day 6 - arena work

At some point I guess I'll stop titling these posts by day.

Finally, good weather for riding.  It's Veteran's Day so no school.  I did work for a couple hours on report cards, but the sunshine made me stop.  A storm is coming, and I can do report cards in the rain.  I have to make hay while the sun is shining!

I need to find someone to ride trail with me.  I had hoped Nancy would do it, but turns out she doesn't ride on trails anymore.  Her horse is 27 years-old so they stick to the arena.  No one else was there today, other than John.  We talked about gophers and such.

I rode G in the arena for almost 45 minutes.  It's kind of boring, but he needs to build up muscles before we can do fun things.  He really responds to my legs and shifts in my body weight.  He also responds to some voice commands, though not perfectly by any means.  Certainly if I shift my body and look in one direction, that's the way he turns.  One of my friends said something about steering with your bellybutton.  It seems to work with him.  We walked, circled, did figure eights, backed, and such.  I trotted him a little and did transitions from trot walk, mostly with voice and body shifts rather than reigning.  I didn't lope this time.  All the reading I've done says if a horse hasn't been ridden in a long time to build up slowly.

After I rode him, I turned him out in the arena to roll.  He is so funny to watch.  He rolls, gets up, shakes, and sneezes.  Then he lays down and does it all again on his other side.  I think he's really starting to like me.

I wish I could give him a bath, but it's too cold.  I always smell much more horsey when I come home from riding him than after riding Danny.  I really think being in a large pen with other horses and room to wander is much better than being in a stall all alone.

Day 5 - too windy again

So, weather defeats me again.  Another howling Santa Ana means I didn't ride G today.  I didn't have time anyway since report cards are due tomorrow.

As soon as my "contractual hours" were over at 3:15 I rushed over to the ranch.  I took G out and groomed him.  Then I turned him out in the arena.  He rolled a few times and shook like a big goofy dog.  So much for my grooming.  Now he's all sandy.  Other than rolling, he just kind of stood around.  Most horses I've seen kick up their heels and run about when turned out. (rhyme!)  I went into the arena with him and walked around. He followed me, but really that's not much exercise.  On the other hand, it's more exercise than he would have had if I didn't go.

I went back to school and worked on report cards after I put G away.

Now I'm home and looking online at how to lunge a horse.  (report cards are not done) If I lunge him, he'll get some good exercise on days I can't ride.  I'm thinking I might ask Michelle for a lunging lesson.  Or maybe one of my riding buddies would come over and help me out.

More and more I want to spend this much time with Danny.  G is ok, and he needs me (or someone), but Danny is much more the horse I want.  My fantasy at this point is to buy Danny and move him to this nearby ranch.  I wonder how he'd do in a stall rather than a pasture.  When I say pasture, I don't mean a grassy pasture.  It's a large pen with many horses - no grass, only dirt.

Day 4 - it's my birthday

Yesterday was my 47th birthday.  The family came out from Riverside, so it was  busy weekend.  On Saturday I had my lesson on Danny at Don E Brooks.  Afterwards I went on a trail ride with Gayle, Autumn, Rene, and the twins, Charlotte and Ramona.  It was fun, and the girls got to do a little trotting.  On the way home we stopped to see G.  It wasn't my day to ride him, so they just looked at him and I gave him cookies.

Sunday we had a big brunch, without the traditional champagne.  We had too much to do, so post champagne sleepiness was not on the menu.  After eating too much, I had to go run 1.2 miles at the marathon with some of my students.  Blahh, I was glad I kept my breakfast down.  It was a close thing!

When I got home the family went with me to see G again.  Elsa didn't see him the day before, and Caitlin had never seen him either.  After they left, I got down to business.



I took G into the arena and we walked several laps in each direction.  Then we trotted, and then I finally loped him.  His lope is kind of rough.  I hope it smooths out as he gains muscle tone.  We loped a couple laps in each direction, then walked, and then loped a bit again.  G doesn't really neck reign too well.  He goes off leg pressure.  I need to learn to direct him that way, but I also want him to learn to neck reign.

After the arena, I rode him around the outer perimeter of the ranch twice.  There are two steep, but short hills that are good for muscle building.  He seems pretty nervous when we are out on the "trail".  Hopefully he will calm down with experience.

Just as I put him away it started to rain again.  The tin roof shelters amplify the sound, making it seem like a bigger storm.  By the time I got home, it was hailing.  That must have been deafening at the ranch!

Day 3 - giant dog?

So is G just a giant dog?  I wasn't able to get to the ranch before sunset, and what a beautiful sunset!  It had rained off and on all day and the clouds were the perfect canvas.

Anyway, with the Riversidians on their way I had no time to ride.  Plus it was getting dark and very cold.  So I put G's new halter on him and turned him out in the arena.  First he just wandered around nose to the ground, sniffing.  Then he went to a corner and started rolling.  Finally he got up and followed me around.  I just walked all around with this huge critter close behind.  A couple times I just suddenly stopped to see what he would do.  He kind of nosed into me and then just stood there waiting for me to go again.  Next time I'll take the long lunging whip in and see if he will actually run around.  Obviously I'm not going to whip him.  It's just kind of a prop.

Lunge, lounge, longe and many other spellings I've seen.  I think it's regional as well as misspellings.
The ranch owner had G's teeth checked.  He needs them floated.  She'll have it done next time the guy is there.  I say"the guy" because I don't know if he's the vet or what.  I wonder if she had his feet looked at.  I think he's going to need shoes.  $$
I feel like G is bonding with me a little.  Of course I've only seen him 5 times over the last 2 weeks, but it's a start.  I just shouldn't bond with him too much.  He isn't mine, and he isn't the horse I want to own.

Today is my riding lesson at the other ranch.  Now Danny is closer to the horse I want to own, but not yet.  After my lesson many of the family are going on a trail ride.  C & R have never done a real ride on horses, only pony rides.  This is the grandma I want to be.  The one with animals, especially horses.  6 people on the ride, I hope they send a good guide.  I better get some tip money ready.

Day 2 - too windy

It's day two of my lease with Geronimo.  What that really means is that it's Wednesday, Sunday being day one.  The Santa Anas have been howling since last evening.  We had indoor recess and lunch at school because the wind was so strong.  All day I was thinking about G and how much I could ride him in the wind.

When I got to the ranch it was gusting.  No one else was around.  I took G out of his stall and groomed him.  He was calm, so I decided to tack him up.  Nancy, a boarder, warned me that the wind might make him spooky.  He still was calm so I took him into the arena.  We only rode about 20 minutes.

I walked him 2 laps in each direction, the jogged 2 each way.  His jog is very slow and very smooth.  Kinda boring.  We did figure eights, circles, and halts followed by backing.  He did well, but it wasn't very satisfying.  I stopped while he was still behaving well.  I was afraid the wind might cause a problem, and I wanted to stop while I was ahead.

Before I went home I stopped at Fox Feed and spent $25 on a larger halter.  He has a big head and the halter he came with is an average size.  I bought a green one.  It was actually a hard choice.  What color goes with a red horse with a white face and a blue eye?  Wait!  I just realized how patriotic his coloring is!

Day 1 - on my own

Yesterday was the first day of my lease on G.  I also, as usual, had work in my classroom.  I decided to eat my meat before the pudding, and I worked first.  I was really excited to go to the ranch, but also had serious butterflies.

When I finally got to the ranch, I met more nice people.  Funny how many are teachers.  They all seemed pleased that someone was going to be giving G attention.  I took him out of his stall and spent a long time grooming him.  He has "rain rot" which I need to research.

Tacking him up was awkward.  His saddle has more straps than I'm used to.  His bridle was a little tricky too.  I felt pretty pleased with myself when I finally figured it all out on my own.  Then we were off.

I took the same route as we took on my test-trail ride.  It was fine until we got to the spot he spooked before.  Then he started backing and trying to turn back.  I didn't realize at first that it was the same spot.  I thought he was just testing me, but it was also that he was afraid.  I turned him in circles and then tried to go forward.  He would start backing and sidestepping.  I turned him in circles again.  This went on for years, or maybe five minutes.  Finally, with some firm kicks I got him past the spot and we rode along ok again.

After a while a truck approached us from behind.  It was a narrow road so I rode to the side and stopped.  G lunged up a narrow berm of dirt and then stumbled down it.  It was pretty terrifying to me since I'm so afraid that a horse I'm riding may fall.  We both stayed upright and so then it was just embarrassing.  The people in the truck waved as they passed and I waved back.  At that point I realized my pants had caught on a barbwire fence and ripped from knee to ankle.

So lessons learned:

1. Be prepared for trouble if you've had trouble in that spot before
2. Ride to a wide spot or a driveway where you can get all the way off the road
3. I am capable of dealing with challenges
4. G has more energy than I thought

I went home after cooling G and grooming him again.  After changing pants Gary and I went to Fox Feed for fly spray and something for rain rot.  We went back to the ranch and I rode for a little while in the arena.  A quiet end to an eventful first day.

After two test rides I signed the papers to lease Geronimo.  It's month-to-month so as long as I can remain somewhat detached, I can stop or switch to another horse with no penalty.

So here's what I know about him so far.  He is a registered paint, approximately 16 hands, and has one blue eye.  He is a cribber, which is not curable.  Because of that he is very thin.  He is also very out of shape.  According to the ranch owner (not G's owner) he is ridden only about once a month.  A girl at the ranch occasionally turns him out because she feels badly for him.

The first I rode him in the arena and he walked following my commands pretty well.  It was very difficult to get him to trot and nearly impossible to get him to maintain a trot.  I didn't try to get him to lope.  A few days later, yesterday, I rode him on trail with the ranch owner.

He was well behaved on trail, but obviously not in the same shape as the other horses.  He spooked and did a little spin when some minis ran up to a fence we passed.  I was easily able to get him under control and calmed down.  He was a little spooky when a loose dog barked at us from a distance. but this time I was ready and we had no spinning.  I was actually glad to see he had the energy to move so quickly.  We went over some long low inclines which was hard work for him, but he did it.

Geronimo is easy to groom and he picks up his feet to have them cleaned.  He's barefoot right now.  His coat is flaky and shedding, but regular grooming will help.

All in all I think I will gain confidence riding on my own 3 days a week.  G will gain muscle and become more responsive with regular riding.  I'm guessing I'll be ready to "move up" to a better horse in several months.  I just hope at that point I'm not too attached to G.  I also hope if he's in better shape, they will find someone else to lease him when I move on.

My new horse schedule is ride Geronimo Wednesday and Friday after work, Saturday a lesson at another ranch on Danny, and then Sunday back to Geronimo.  G is at a ranch only 8-10 minutes from home.  Danny's ranch is 20 minutes away.

What my dog ate and how much I care

Menchi ate the old hardcover version of Star Surgeon by Alan Nourse.  It was originally from an Orange County library.  Either Gary as a child never returned it or he bought it from them at a book sale.

How much do I care from 1-10, 10 being care deeply:

2

Menchi only ate the cover of the hardcover version of Moon Mutiny by Lester Del Rey.  This came from Villa Park High School.  Again whether it was never returned or bought from the school, I don't know.

How much do I care:

2

He also took my paperback copy of Eating an Artichoke: A Mother's Perspective on Asperger Syndrome by Echo Spring.  He didn't damage it at all.

How much would I have cared if he ate it:

7

We have learned over the years that old hardcovers are his favorite.  All early editions are on a top shelf in the closet where he can't get them.  We are a house of books though and he is bound to eat them from time to time.

Gap

I haven't figured it out yet, but there is something about the concept of a gap that I want to say.  It is fascinating to me, what might be in a gap.  It's like a magical (mythical?) place where anything can reside.  monsters, unicorns, IDEAS.

The gap between...

A gap is defined by what it is between, what it is not.  The width may be small, but the depth of the gap may contain infinite ideas.

hunter-gatherer

I was picking boysenberries again today.  I started thinking about how easy it was to eat them as fast as I picked them.  That got me to thinking of hunter-gatherer mommas picking berries for their families, and then I thought of the book Blueberries for Sal, which isn't prehistoric at all.  I imagined myself picking berries with my granddaughters on some prehistoric hillside.  I would pass along sage wisdom, which is why I would still be an asset even after menopause meant I wouldn't pass along any more genes, as we leisurely picked and ate the delicious ambrosia left after the birds had had their fill.

Then the irony hit me.  These boysenberries are the result of fairly recent crossbreeding done at U.C. Riverside.  They had no prehistoric life, and probably have no marketable future since they aren't a very good producer.

It won't write itself

I still am not quit of the humanities program.  I have one paper to write for a class I took an incomplete in. (That sentence sucks - try again) I took an "incomplete" in a class, and have one paper left to write.

After I wrote the first paper for the class, my instructor thanked me for writing a good paper.  She complained bitterly about some of the other students' writing abilities and styles.  All of my papers received positive feedback and often were top in the class.  So why...WHY...The final paper completely overwhelmed me.  I was intimidated by the length of the paper, the short time to write it, and the chance I might fail at writing it.

The funny, ironic, thing is that as the due date approached the instructor seemed to be losing her nerve as well.  She asked us to turn the papers in early if we could, in order to allow her more time to grade them.  She suggested we write shorter papers so she would have less to read.  By the end she was practically begging us to write papers less than half as long as the original assignment.

Obviously I should have just written something quickly and turned it in.  It's highly unlikely I would have received less than an "A".  Still I had already decided to take an "Incomplete" so I didn't consider her change in requirements as the opportunity it was.

Now, instead of being completely finished I'm trying to write this final paper.  And by "trying" I mean I'm blogging about it instead of actually writing it.  I've got a start.  Not a great start, but a start.  I've built it up to be so much more than it is.  I'm sure no matter what I write I'll at least get a "B".  Why not just slap it together, reread and edit, and send it off?  Why am I still overwhelmed by it?  I did a great job on all the successive papers in the classes that followed hers.

Grump.

bucket list

"Bucket list" a phrase that means the things one wants to do before they kick the bucket.  First of all how can "kick the bucket" be a euphemism for death?  It is such an ugly phrase.  Euphemisms should sound nicer than the thing they euphemize (not a word, I know).  I can't hear the word bucket without immediately connecting it to the memory of throwing up as a child.  Whenever I was really sick, mom would put a small bucket next to the bed. 

Kick the bucket - kick the can.  Kick the can was a great game.  Hide and seek crossed with capture the flag.  But then can is a slang for toilet.  Olly olly oxen free!

I am working on my "pony list".  This is what I've decided is my euphemism for bucket list.  I always wanted a pony.  Of course I always really wanted a 16 hand horse, but pony encompasses the little girl wistfulness better.